Rani-di, I do know where you live

1.

1.

Rani-di,
Your earth-departure
Has given me heart-pang-throb-sobs
Uncontrollable.

2.

Alas,
Flickering is the heart-flame
Of a human being.

3.

My life shall breathe
In your unhorizoned
Affection-sky.

4.

Rani-di,
Happily and proudly
You became part and parcel
Of my world-improvement-progress-dream.

5.

Your aspiration
Gave me lightning-inspiration
In my mind-sky.

6.

Yesterday-today-tomorrow —
My recollections
Of your affection-compassion-life.

7.

Rani-di,
Somewhere inside
Your soul's fulness-smile
Lives my real God.

8.

Yours was the affection
As beautiful as star-light.

9.

Yours was the compassion
As sweet as nectar-delight.

10.

Rani-di,
Immeasurable was your inner help
In my worldwide
God-manifestation-service.

11.

For me to come to America,
First you became your soul's
Fulness-approval,
Then you became your heart's
Mountain-aspiration.

12.

Rani-di,
You do not want my heart to look back
At your compassion-affection-flooded
Life-breath.
But I shall fail, always fail to obey you!

13.

When I say to you
How I wish I too could he on my way,
You become your thunder-objection:
'Absurd!'

14.

Your constant self-giving
Opened for me,
For my heart,
New God-receptivity-doors.

15.

Your soul-poise
And your heart-confidence in me
Shall remain inseparably
Unfanthomable.

16.

Rani-di,
You are telling me that my life
Must not look at your heart:
I must look forward
And look at your soul.

17.

When I think of you,
I immediately become
My mind's concentration-volcano.

18.

When I think of you,
I immediately become
My heart's meditation-silence.

19.

When I think of you,
I immediately become
My life's service-tree.

20.

When I think of you,
I immediately become
My soul's illumination-sky.

21.

When I think of you,
I immediately receive from
God The Satisfaction-Smile
Of His Heart.

22.

A wisdom-soul,
A compassion-heart,
A sacrifice-life —
Earth's Lily,
Heaven's Ghose.
Earth's Heaven-aspiration-flower,
Heaven's God-Victory-announcer.

23.

Rani-di,
True, you feed
My vision-eye.

24.

I want you,
Rani-di,
To feed my tears too.

25.

Rani-di,
From the soul's world,
You make fun of my greatness.

26.

Rani-di,
From the soul's world,
You are exceedingly proud of my goodness.

27.

Before, on earth,
You advised me.
And now, from Heaven,
You are pushing and pulling me forward
Constantly.

28.

Rani-di,
On earth you used
To pray to God
To mould my life divinely.

29.

In Heaven you are now
Praying to God
To unfold my heart completely.

30.

You do not want my life
To remain a success-beggar
Anymore.

31.

You want my life
To be the progress-Emperor
Evermore.

32.

Rani-di,
You are telling me that
My disciple-children have too many gods.
Therefore, they are going nowhere.

33.

Rani-di,
You are also telling me that
They should have only one God:
My Heart.

34.

You are telling me that
The choice is mine:
Either love the world
Or serve the world
Or even try to do both.

35.

You are telling me that
The choice is mine:
Either for me to beckon the world
From Above
Or to awaken the world
From where I am now.

36.

You are telling me that
The choice is mine:
Either I must try to feel oneness with
The world-imperfection-life
Or I must stop criticising
And chastising the world.

37.

Rani-di,
Please tell me,
Who are my true disciple-children?

38.

Madal,
Your true disciple-children
Are those who look at you
With their hearts' streaming tears
And their eyes' beaming smiles.

39.

Rani-di,
Please tell me,
Who are the false disciple-children?

40.

Madal,
Your false disciple-children
Are those who look around you
With their notorious jealousy,
Ferocious pride
And voracious curiosity.

41.

Rani-di,
Do you have anything special
To tell me?

42.

Madal, yes, I do.
I shall come to see you
Whenever I am supposed to.
You can come to me
Whenever you miss me.

43.

Rani-di,
You are asking me to hope
For my disciple-children,
For hope is nothing short
Of a sweet dream.

44.

You are asking me
Not to expect anything spectacular
From my disciples' spiritual life,
For expectation quite often ends
In frustration,
And frustration quite often ends
In immediate destruction.

45.

Madal,
You will be able to make
Only those disciples extraordinary
Who sincerely feel
That they are absolutely ordinary.

46.

Rani-di,
You know perfectly well
That I am quite accustomed to boasting,
Specially in front of you.
But alas,
Your disappearance from the world-scene
Has destroyed my literary ability.
In spite of having written 1,300 books in English,
My pen, today, is so inadequate:
It will never be able to do justice
To my heart's feelings about you.

47.

For Mantu and me,
Nothing can be as false as your departure:
You are alive,
And you will always remain alive,
With your affection boundless
For your Mantu and your Madal.
As you are your eternal affection,
Even so, we are our eternal gratitude.

48.

Madhyam-da, Chitta-da,
Did not prepare us.
He abruptly departed — eleven brief hours!
Therefore, I was overwhelmed with grief.
Furious I became with his fate,
Even with his fate-Maker —
An understatement.
You prepared us for three years —
A long period.
Therefore, although your physical absence
Is unbearable,
It is understandable.

49.

There shall come a time
When Mantu and I shall follow you.
We do know where you have gone.
We do know we shall find you.
It is just a matter of time.
Time is keeping us separate,
That is all.

50.

Chitta-da has gone.
You, too, have gone.
For Mantu and me,
The outer world will never be the same.
In the inner world,
Our entire family-bond
Shall remain unbreakable
And imperishable.

51.

Alas,
There was a time
When my arrival in America
Brought the saddest misfortune
For our entire family.
Everybody in the family suffered,
And you suffered the utmost
Criticisms unfounded,
Wild and unspeakable,
From India,
Shattered your earthly frame.
Later, good fortune—worldwide recognition
Of your youngest brother —
Proved your Rani-di (Queen) name to be true.
Fathomless became your pride in me.

52.

You came to America to visit me.
To my greatest sadness,
American lifestyle you could not appreciate.
To my greatest joy,
You dearly liked the lifestyle of
And you sincerely loved
My hundreds of American children.
Needless to say,
Your earth-departure has given them
A most devastating blow,
Specially those who basked in the sunshine
Of your compassion, affection and love.

53.

Rani-di,
On my way to Pondicherry
To visit my Tunda, your Mantu,
You are visiting me
On Air India flight 102.
You are your soul's sweetness-smile:
'Madal, when the heart is duty,
The life becomes beauty,
God's God-Beauty.'

From: Sri Chinmoy, Rani-di, I do know where you live - , Agni Press, 1999
Sourced from http://www.srichinmoylibrary.com/rdd