I am a nice man. I have to brag. I have to brag. During this one-hour question period, I have been showing my utmost love — father’s love, friend’s love, everything. But eleven disciples right now are consciously dissatisfied with me. And, believe me, they have been attacking me like anything. I can say point-blank who she is, who he is. This attack — where am I keeping it now? In this portion of my head. Is it not my infinite compassion? Right now if I say the names of the persons who have attacked me, then to the end of your lives the rest of you will curse those people. With such affection and love I have been speaking with you about first class, second class, third class disciples. But some of you are feeling that you are not even fourth or fifth class; that’s why terrible anger has entered into you and now you are attacking.
How many of you here are first class and how many are second class or third class, I know. Now, if you are first class or second class, is it fair to attack me? I tell you, eleven persons have attacked me. Here in my physical I feel your attack. See, my inner beings are now removing it and throwing it into the Universal Consciousness. Now they are taking it away. You people are blind. God has given you only outer eyes. With your eyes you may see that Guru is doing nothing. But my inner beings have started; they are taking it away from me. You do not know the kind of pain I am going through now. All of your anger I have taken right here (points to the back of his neck). If I say the truth, I become your enemy. Again, there are a few who are fifth class or sixth class disciples here who have not cursed me.
Sometimes when I am meditating with you people it happens also. Oh, every body has folded hands; everybody is doing like this (folds his hands). You all look like you are giving your devotion. But no, instead of giving your love and devotion, you are only giving your jealousy and all your vital demands. You are throwing them. If you throw them into me with devotedness, they do not attack me. But when you throw them with arrogance, pride, vanity or an aggressive quality, then they attack me like anything. You can give me all your lowest vital problems; all your sex forces you can give me. I don’t mind, but with devotedness you have to give me. Then I can help you. But when you give them to me with aggression, they come and attack me like anything.
I tell you, I am the dustbin. Yes, you give me all your absolutely lowest, filthiest forces. Yes, you give me. But if you give me with devotedness, they do not attack me. Otherwise, they attack me. It is not my compassion? Right now my inner beings have taken those forces away. Now I am feeling absolutely no pain. But this thing — every day it happens in all the Centres. Sometimes I get so mad at some of the disciples, and many, many plans come to my mind: what to say to them, what to do. But I am at the mercy of my compassion, and I remain silent.
Today I am telling you, if in the future I say something which displeases you people, please feel that there is nothing to be displeased about. Even if you feel that you are a seventh class disciple, just be grateful for that. You can say, “True, I am a seventh class disciple, but at least I still exist as a disciple. So I can progress. Today I am absolutely at the foot of the tree, but tomorrow I can climb up to the topmost branch. Just because I am at the foot of the tree, I at least have the opportunity to climb. There are millions who are not even near the tree; they are thousands of miles away from the tree. So for them it is simply impossible right now.
So please, please! You people attack me like anything. In the morning you attack, in the afternoon you attack, anytime you get angry you attack. From now on, when you get angry, try to give me all your anger with devotedness. It is an offering. A flower you offer with devotion; love you offer with devotion. So, when you are angry, at that time your possession is anger. Your wealth at that time, your undivine wealth, is your anger. So that wealth also you offer with devotedness. Then it will not attack me. And the moment you give it to me, you will get joy, because you have given me something which is your possession. But when you give it to me the other way, when you give your anger, depression or wrong things in an arrogant or violent way, then only you try to destroy me. They cannot destroy me; only they create pangs inside my heart, because I am trying to help you and you are trying to hurt me. So please, please do not attack me. I am a nice man.From:Sri Chinmoy,The disciples' freedom, Agni Press, 1980
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