If somebody tells you that your name is 'Anxiety', you will vehemently deny it. You will say, "No, my name is such-and-such. It has such a lofty spiritual meaning. My entire existence is flooded with light."
You will not identify yourself with the name 'Anxiety' at all. Nor will you identify yourself with your fears and doubts. At that time, you will separate yourself from these negative thoughts. In the spiritual life, always try to cultivate faith in yourself and in this way you will not identify yourself with any negative qualities. You have to know that when fear, doubt, anxieties and worries come, it is an attack. If anybody calls you by the name 'Worry', are you going to respond? No. But if anybody calls you by the name 'Faith', you will immediately say, "Yes, I am that, I am that, I am that. God has so much faith in me. I have so much faith in God."
In our ordinary human life, we may lose faith in God for two days or four days. Then we will say to ourselves, "This is God's vast Creation! Is He really useless? If He is useless, then He cannot be the Ruler of the world, the Governor of the world." And our faith in God is restored.
But when it comes to our faith in ourselves, all the stupid things that we have done in our lives come forward to destroy our joy. We lose faith in ourselves because twenty years ago perhaps we told a lie. Twenty years ago perhaps somebody asked me which direction to go in Augsburg and I showed him the wrong way! So all kinds of things happen in life. When we deal with our human faith, we are only digging up the past. We remind ourselves of how many bad things we have done. But divine faith is not like that. Divine faith is always going forward, forward, forward. We have to throw our human faith into divine faith. Then we shall be able to go forward.
Even the term 'human' faith is always mixed with doubt because we cannot separate faith from doubt, specially self-doubt. But when it is a matter of divine faith, as soon as we say the word 'divine', beauty comes into our life, light comes into our life. The divine is something beautiful, pure, absolutely glorious. When we say 'divine', immediately light comes to our mind; whereas, when we say 'human', it is always mixed with some negativity, some darkness.
On the human level, there is negativity inside everything and everyone. So when we are dealing with our own faith in ourselves, we have to constantly separate ourselves from doubt because doubt and faith go side by side.
Once we accept the spiritual life, we have to say, "I am of God, I am for God." If you can say this, then immediately you will have faith in yourself. Your faith automatically becomes divine and your anxieties, worries, fears and doubts will all disappear. If you are of God, then how can you be full of doubt?
Then there is another point: whatever you have suffered in your life, it is God who has experienced it in and through you. That same God is now telling you, "Only identify yourself with Me." If we can identify ourselves with God all the time, then all the divine qualities within us will be brought to the fore. Just say, "I am of God. I am for God." Then your doubts will become like a football and you will be able to kick them away. They will not be able to come near you.
If you are really for God, you will be like a deer running towards your Beloved Supreme. Who can prevent you from reaching Him? Our devoted qualities have to run towards God faster than the fastest. When you say, "I am of the Supreme," those little, little animals — doubts, worries and so forth — will all get frightened because they are afraid of light. We are afraid of darkness, but they are afraid of light. So always say, "I am of the Supreme. I am for the Supreme."
Unfortunately, we cannot maintain that feeling. When our old worries and anxieties come back into our minds, God disappears. At that time, we do not try to illumine those negative thoughts. We are helpless. In India, one Acharya used to say, by way of joke, "I am a divine warrior, but what can I do? I have a shield in one hand and a sword in the other. My hands are all occupied, so how can I fight?"
But fight we must. Our heart has to say, with all its affection, love, kindness, sweetness and fondness, that we are of God and we are for God. Then we will be able to maintain our feeling. Otherwise, if this idea comes from the mind, we will forget that we are of God and for God sooner than at once. It is our heart that has to say, "All the good qualities that God has given me I am offering to Him, and He will give me much, much more than before because I am of Him and I am for Him."From:Sri Chinmoy,The heart-tears of a God-seeker, Agni Press, 2005
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