But after you throw your impurities into me, what happens? What you throw, what you offer, later you feel was most precious. So you try to collect that same thing from somewhere else. Once you throw it, you feel, "Oh, I have given up my most precious things." Then, a few days later, you collect the same things from elsewhere — from your own nature, from the outer nature, from circumstances, from the environment. From other wrong forces you will collect these impurities and then again you will want to offer them to me.
This moment you cry for liberation, and the next moment you cry for temptation. The disciples' lives are like the hyphen between illumination and temptation. This moment temptation grabs them, and the next moment they get fed up with it and feel that the temptation-world is destroying them. Then they again want to be one with the illumination-world.
When you are in the illumination-world, if the vital and the mind are not purified, then you cannot stay there. You feel that this is not the right place for you. So you come back into the vital world, where it is all dirt, filth, jealousy, limitation, insecurity and obscurity. Then again, after a few months or a few days or a few hours in the vital-world, the temptation-world, you feel that you are going to be destroyed there altogether. Then again, you cry for the illumination-world. In this way you are constantly changing your opinion. That is the reason why you do not have abiding experiences and why you do not stay in the higher worlds. Once you throw something, you have to feel that that thing was not worth having. Then, when you become well-established in the illumination-world, at that time the temptation-world cannot destroy your aspiration.From:Sri Chinmoy,Illumination-world, Agni Press, 1977
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