Rani-di, I do know where you live

1.

1.

```

Rani-di,

Your earth-departure

Has given me heart-pang-throb-sobs

Uncontrollable.

```

2.

```

Alas,

Flickering is the heart-flame

Of a human being.

```

3.

```

My life shall breathe

In your unhorizoned

Affection-sky.

```

4.

```

Rani-di,

Happily and proudly

You became part and parcel

Of my world-improvement-progress-dream.

```

5.

```

Your aspiration

Gave me lightning-inspiration

In my mind-sky.

```

6.

```

Yesterday-today-tomorrow —

My recollections

Of your affection-compassion-life.

```

7.

```

Rani-di,

Somewhere inside

Your soul's fulness-smile

Lives my real God.

```

8.

```

Yours was the affection

As beautiful as star-light.

```

9.

```

Yours was the compassion

As sweet as nectar-delight.

```

10.

```

Rani-di,

Immeasurable was your inner help

In my worldwide

God-manifestation-service.

```

11.

```

For me to come to America,

First you became your soul's

Fulness-approval,

Then you became your heart's

Mountain-aspiration.

```

12.

```

Rani-di,

You do not want my heart to look back

At your compassion-affection-flooded

Life-breath.

But I shall fail, always fail to obey you!

```

13.

```

When I say to you

How I wish I too could be on my way,

You become your thunder-objection:

'Absurd!'

```

14.

```

Your constant self-giving

Opened for me,

For my heart,

New God-receptivity-doors.

```

15.

```

Your soul-poise

And your heart-confidence in me

Shall remain inseparably

Unfathomable.

```

16.

```

Rani-di,

You are telling me that my life

Must not look at your heart:

I must look forward

And look at your soul.

```

17.

```

When I think of you,

I immediately become

My mind's concentration-volcano.

```

18.

```

When I think of you,

I immediately become

My heart's meditation-silence.

```

19.

```

When I think of you,

I immediately become

My life's service-tree.

```

20.

```

When I think of you,

I immediately become

My soul's illumination-sky.

```

21.

```

When I think of you,

I immediately receive from

God The Satisfaction-Smile

Of His Heart.

```

22.

```

A wisdom-soul,

A compassion-heart,

A sacrifice-life —

Earth's Lily,

Heaven's Ghose.

Earth's Heaven-aspiration-flower,

Heaven's God-Victory-announcer.

```

23.

```

Rani-di,

True, you feed

My vision-eye.

```

24.

```

I want you,

Rani-di,

To feed my tears too.

```

25.

```

Rani-di,

From the soul's world,

You make fun of my greatness.

```

26.

```

Rani-di,

From the soul's world,

You are exceedingly proud of my goodness.

```

27.

```

Before, on earth,

You advised me.

And now, from Heaven,

You are pushing and pulling me forward

Constantly.

```

28.

```

Rani-di,

On earth you used

To pray to God

To mould my life divinely.

```

29.

```

In Heaven you are now

Praying to God

To unfold my heart completely.

```

30.

```

You do not want my life

To remain a success-beggar

Anymore.

```

31.

```

You want my life

To be the progress-Emperor

Evermore.

```

32.

```

Rani-di,

You are telling me that

My disciple-children have too many gods.

Therefore, they are going nowhere.

```

33.

```

Rani-di,

You are also telling me that

They should have only one God:

My Heart.

```

34.

```

You are telling me that

The choice is mine:

Either love the world

Or serve the world

Or even try to do both.

```

35.

```

You are telling me that

The choice is mine:

Either for me to beckon the world

From Above

Or to awaken the world

From where I am now.

```

36.

```

You are telling me that

The choice is mine:

Either I must try to feel oneness with

The world-imperfection-life

Or I must stop criticising

And chastising the world.

```

37.

```

Rani-di,

Please tell me,

Who are my true disciple-children?

```

38.

```

Madal,

Your true disciple-children

Are those who look at you

With their hearts' streaming tears

And their eyes' beaming smiles.

```

39.

```

Rani-di,

Please tell me,

Who are the false disciple-children?

```

40.

```

Madal,

Your false disciple-children

Are those who look around you

With their notorious jealousy,

Ferocious pride

And voracious curiosity.

```

41.

```

Rani-di,

Do you have anything special

To tell me?

```

42.

```

Madal, yes, I do.

I shall come to see you

Whenever I am supposed to.

You can come to me

Whenever you miss me.

```

43.

```

Rani-di,

You are asking me to hope

For my disciple-children,

For hope is nothing short

Of a sweet dream.

```

44.

```

You are asking me

Not to expect anything spectacular

From my disciples' spiritual life,

For expectation quite often ends

In frustration,

And frustration quite often ends

In immediate destruction.

```

45.

```

Madal,

You will be able to make

Only those disciples extraordinary

Who sincerely feel

That they are absolutely ordinary.

```

46.

```

Rani-di,

You know perfectly well

That I am quite accustomed to boasting,

Specially in front of you.

But alas,

Your disappearance from the world-scene

Has destroyed my literary ability.

In spite of having written 1,300 books in English,

My pen, today, is so inadequate:

It will never be able to do justice

To my heart's feelings about you.

```

47.

```

For Mantu and me,

Nothing can be as false as your departure:

You are alive,

And you will always remain alive,

With your affection boundless

For your Mantu and your Madal.

As you are your eternal affection,

Even so, we are our eternal gratitude.

```

48.

```

Madhyam-da, Chitta-da,

Did not prepare us.

He abruptly departed — eleven brief hours!

Therefore, I was overwhelmed with grief.

Furious I became with his fate,

Even with his fate-Maker —

An understatement.

You prepared us for three years —

A long period.

Therefore, although your physical absence

Is unbearable,

It is understandable.

```

49.

```

There shall come a time

When Mantu and I shall follow you.

We do know where you have gone.

We do know we shall find you.

It is just a matter of time.

Time is keeping us separate,

That is all.

```

50.

```

Chitta-da has gone.

You, too, have gone.

For Mantu and me,

The outer world will never be the same.

In the inner world,

Our entire family-bond

Shall remain unbreakable

And imperishable.

```

51.

```

Alas,

There was a time

When my arrival in America

Brought the saddest misfortune

For our entire family.

Everybody in the family suffered,

And you suffered the utmost.

Criticisms unfounded,

Wild and unspeakable,

From India,

Shattered your earthly frame.

Later, good fortune—worldwide recognition

Of your youngest brother —

Proved your Rani-di (Queen) name to be true.

Fathomless became your pride in me.

```

52.

```

You came to America to visit me.

To my greatest sadness,

American lifestyle you could not appreciate.

To my greatest joy,

You dearly liked the lifestyle of

And you sincerely loved

My hundreds of American children.

Needless to say,

Your earth-departure has given them

A most devastating blow,

Specially those who basked in the sunshine

Of your compassion, affection and love. ```

53.

```

Rani-di,

On my way to Pondicherry

To visit my Tunda, your Mantu,

You are visiting me

On Air India flight 102.

You are your soul's sweetness-smile:

'Madal, when the heart is duty,

The life becomes beauty,

God's God-Beauty.'

```

From:Sri Chinmoy,Rani-di, I do know where you live, Agni Press, 1999
Sourced from https://srichinmoylibrary.com/rdd