Volcano-agonies of the seekers



My Lord,

I have so many complaints against You!

Are You kind enough,

Are You brave enough

To listen to my complaints?

"My child,

I am neither kind nor brave,

But I am wise."

My Lord,

What do You mean?

"I shall tell you what I mean later on.

In the meantime,

Let me hear all your complaints

Against Me." ```



My Lord,

Why have You given me

A mind thick with darkness-nights?




My Lord Beloved,

Why do You allow

The unfortunate memories

Of my past

To invade and torture me

So ruthlessly? ```



My Lord Beloved Supreme,

Can You not see

That my days and nights

Are made of insufferable afflictions? ```



My Lord,

This world of Yours does not want me.

It does not even need me.

Yet not a single day passes by

When You do not ask me

To love and serve this world.

My Lord, tell me,

Why do You do this to me? ```



My Lord Beloved,

Over the years I have been telling You

That this world is a bed of thorns.

But You go on telling me

That this world is a bed of roses.

I am the sufferer!

To me, You are nothing but a Lecturer!




My Lord Beloved Supreme,

Do You think that Your Ears

Are too precious to listen

To the prayers of my innocent heart? ```



My Lord,

What can I expect from You,

Since You literally do not want to feel

The agonies of my heart? ```



My Lord Beloved,

Why do I have to convince my mind

Unnecessarily and foolishly

That without You,

My life will be compelled

To flicker feebly? ```



My Lord Beloved Supreme,

Because I pray to You the whole night

To please You,

Sleep is displeased with me

And it is jealous of You.

Sleep has deserted me for good.

You have also deserted me.

Alas, where do I stand?

Alone, helpless, worthless and useless!




My Lord,

Alas, my mind has taught me

Only two mantras:

"What shall I do?

Where shall I go?"

I am sure You have taught

These two mantras

To my mind! ```



My Lord Beloved,

You have nothing better to do

Than subject me to the pain

Of Your Absence. ```



My Lord Beloved Supreme,

Are You blind

That I have to give You sight to see

That I am standing in front of You

In streaming tears?




My Lord,

I sing Your Victory-Songs

At the top of my voice.

I can clearly see

That You have kept

Your Ears completely sealed. ```



My Lord Beloved,

There was a time

When I thought

You belonged to me

And I belonged to You.

Now I am fully convinced

That You and I

Are two perfect strangers,

And we belong to two totally

Different worlds. ```



My Lord Beloved Supreme,

Every day early in the morning

You send someone to lecture me.

How is it that that person

Does not tell You

That my aspiring limbs

Are all shattered

And that I do not have even an iota

Of love for You?




My Lord,

Can You not see

That my life is doomed

To watching and waiting? ```



My Lord Beloved,

It seems that Your inner plane

And outer car

Will never start functioning. ```



My Lord Beloved Supreme,

Sometimes I burst into roaring laughter

When I call You

"My Lord of unconditional Compassion." ```



My Lord,

You have made me mad

With the desire to see You.

I am doing my duty extremely well.

But do You believe in fulfilling Your Duty?

How is it that, even for a fleeting second,

You do not come and stand before me?

How long will You enjoy

Your Compassion-famine-Life?




My Lord Beloved,

I have seen the world.

I have also seen its ways —

Deception from the beginning

To the end.




My Lord Beloved Supreme,

Why do You have to hide

Your illumination

From this world? ```



My Lord,

I cry for Your Compassion.

You enjoy watching

Your Compassion snoring. ```



My Lord Beloved,

I cry for Your Protection.

You prove to me

That Your Heart-Dictionary

Does not house the word

'Protection’. ```



My Lord Beloved Supreme,

I cry to You

To save my reputation.

You, as usual,

Turn Your deaf Ear

To me. ```



My Lord Beloved,

My prayers and meditations

Are so disappointed in You

That they tell me

They are at a perfect loss.




My Lord,

Every day I send my pure heart

In search of You.

With such eagerness

My heart runs here and there

To catch a glimpse of You

And prostrate before You

With such humble petition.


Every day it comes back to me

With utterly fruitless failure-pangs.




My Lord Beloved Supreme,

I wanted to be the slave

Of Your Heart.

Perhaps it was presumptuous

On my part.

I changed my mind.

I wanted to be the slave

Of Your Eye.

Perhaps that too was presumptuous

On my part.

I wanted to be the slave

Of Your Feet.

Alas, Your lack of response

Clearly showed me

That it was nothing but audacity

On my part.

Now I want to be the slave

Of the dust of Your Feet.

Even the dust of Your Feet

Does not care for the pangs

Of my heart!

My life is dancing inside

My humiliation-pride-room. ```



My Lord,

If it is too difficult to save my life

In my own way,

At least save me and my life

In Your own Way,

Instead of not saving me at all! ```



My Lord Beloved,

Just because I call You my own,

Nobody wants me to be their own.


Not even my mind is willing

To accept me as its own.

They have all forsaken me.




My Lord Beloved Supreme,

The fire of my ceaseless longing for You

Has done only one thing:

Instead of illumining my heart,

It has burned my heart to ashes!


Who can ever be a greater fool

Than I am? ```



My Lord,

My mind is permanently in a rage

That I spend all my time

Foolishly on You.

I could have spent my time,

According to my mind,

More wisely and fruitfully.




My Lord Beloved,

I thought You gave me the path

Of sweet, illumining

And fulfilling devotion.

But now I see

That the path You have given me

Is the path of birthless

And deathless frustration. ```



"My child,

Are you not tired

Of your marathon-complaints?"

My Lord, why?

Why should I be?

If You can enjoy

Your infinite Peace and Bliss

All by Yourself

While torturing me,

My heart,

And even my breath,

Why should I remain silent?

But, my Lord, if You are tired,

Then I can show You

My unsolicited compassion.

And to-morrow,

At our mutual leisure time,

I can drive my complaint-train

And give You

A longer than the longest ride! ```

From:Sri Chinmoy,Volcano-agonies of the seekers, Agni Press, 1995
Sourced from https://srichinmoylibrary.com/vas