I have so many memories from our visit to Bermuda many, many years ago. What pleased me most was a dance that two pairs of friends — Sanatan, Rupantar, Savysachi and Ashrita — performed to my song “Nriter tale tale”. They dressed in such funny costumes and their dance was absolutely unique.
On that trip I also felt the devotional and aspiring aspect of the disciples when Alo took them on Christmas Eve to sing in the streets in the neighbourhood of our hotel. Their singing was so simple, sincere and pure. I did not go, but I was watching them. They were wearing white and holding candles. They looked absolutely like angels. These good experiences I will always treasure in Bermuda.
Bermuda was also my humiliation. There it is very hilly. Everybody was riding little motorbikes. I thought I would also try. Savyasachi and another disciple were holding me on the motorbike because I could not keep my balance. Then God smashed my pride. Of all people, Maitreyi had to go by me so fast. And she is much older than I am.
I said, “Impossible! Enough, enough!”
In those days I had such pride in my physical. Was there anything that I could not do? Now there is nothing that I can do. Physical fitness always made me feel that I could do anything. But when I saw this disciple of mine driving away on the motorbike, I said, “Too much! Too much!” Then I said, “Stop! I do not want to ride any more.”
Another painful experience was when I scolded very seriously the top girls’ singing groups for the very first time because I was not pleased with their performances.
But again, if I have to speak frankly, the simple truth is that in those days the disciples had more love, more devotion and more surrender than they do nowadays. At every second they tried to please me. Now I try desperately to please them. The story has changed.
So in life there are always good memories and painful memories. The past that does not help us is worse than dust. But the past that helps us is better then gold. Most of the past is worse than the worst. Painful memories weaken the subtle nerves and then we become the losers. By remembering the deplorable past, we lose our divinity. It is all the time hurting like a very sharp sword.
So let us only try to remember the experiences that are golden.
— 7 December 1997, The Bahamas