SCA 1202-1205. These questions were asked in Davao, the Philippines, on 12 January 1993.
Question: If you knew how things would turn out, would you still have accepted me as a disciple?
Sri Chinmoy: I would have accepted you even if you were infinitely worse. Also, if you become infinitely worse, I shall still keep you, only it will be my bad luck. No matter where you go, I will be with you. But if you are kind to me, as I am kind to you, then every day, every hour and every minute you will try to lead a better life.
You have to know the value of my smile and the value of my sadness. If you value my sadness, then you will refrain from doing many undivine things. The things you do that make me sad, you will decrease. And, if you value my happiness, then the good things you do, you will increase. You will say, “This makes my Guru happy, so let me do it ten times, twenty times, fifty times.”
If disciples can decrease my sadness, I will be very grateful, and if they can increase my happiness, I will be very grateful. Again, you have to know that there is a stage in the inner life that is far beyond outer happiness and unhappiness. In my inner life, sadness and happiness do not affect me. I am far, far beyond these things. No matter how angry you make me or how happy you make me, I will remain absolutely tranquil and still. Infinite poise is my soul’s foremost quality. You all have many divine qualities. I, too, have the same. But in the inner world, my absolutely best quality is my inner poise and this inner poise far surpasses any outer happiness. Whatever you do, my soul’s inner poise will remain infinite, eternal and immortal.
Since I am on earth in an outer frame, I wish you and all the disciples at every moment to value both my happiness and my unhappiness. How can you value them? The things that make me happy you will do, and the things that make me unhappy you will not do. If you serve the Supreme in me in this way, I will be very proud of you. But if you do not value your Guru’s happiness and your own soul’s joy, then what can I do?
For my inner progress, I do not depend on anybody. My inner progress is something that is between me and God. It depends only on my inseparable oneness with His Will. But for my outer success and outer progress, I depend on each of you because I have accepted you as my own, very own. If my little finger is hurting me, I cannot do anything. Similarly, if one of my disciples is causing me pain, that also holds me back and my outer progress becomes quite slow.
There are some disciples who are happy only when they are miserable. When they are miserable, only then do they feel that they have accomplished something. There are many disciples who do not appreciate it in the morning when their minds are empty, free and very light. They feel that if they can brood early in the morning, if they can grumble and fumble and place on their shoulders heavy burdens and loads, then they have genuinely accomplished something. Their souls and their inner existence do not want these burdens, but their outer existence feels that unless some uncomely, negative or unhealthy forces come, their outer life has no value. Most of the disciples act this way from time to time, but there are some foolish disciples who do it on a regular basis.
Those who cherish misery are definitely delaying my outer progress, which depends on the happiness, willingness and oneness of each and every one of my disciples. I need your help for my outer progress. At the same time, you need my help for your inner progress because I play the role of the bridge between you and the Supreme. So let us work together, together.