28 September 1980

Superiority, my superiority, why are you so cruel to me? Why do you make me always sad and mad? Do you not realise that at every moment I am assailed by the fear that someone is going to dethrone me, someone is going to take away my crown?

Why do I have to be always in the world of darkening, threatening and killing fear? I want joy at every moment, and this joy I can never get from you. The fleeting joy that I get when I sit an inch higher than the rest of the world disappears when I see the arrows of jealousy, meanness, anger and frustration that are hurled at me by the rest of the world. My joy is insignificant in comparison to the sufferings I go through by becoming a little bit superior to others. I need abiding happiness, and this happiness I can never get from you, O superiority.

I do not need and I do not want inferiority, either. Inferiority always kills me with sorrows, despondency, fear, doubt and meanness. Inferiority sometimes gives way; sometimes it surrenders helplessly to superiority, thinking that it is a hopeless case. It will not fight anymore against superiority. In the battlefield of life, sometimes it surrenders and wants to remain where it is. Willingly or unwillingly it wants to serve superiority. But superiority never, never tries to come down or allow inferiority to come up and be on the same footing with it. Superiority fights until the last moment to maintain its position. It never willingly gives up its pedestal.

O superiority, I do not need you, I do not want you. O inferiority, I do not need you, I do not want you. O equality, I need you desperately and sleeplessly. I need you until the divine hour dawns for me when I know specifically what God’s Will is. Once I know consciously what God’s Will is, and once I can cheerfully and unconditionally execute God’s Will, then in my life of aspiration and dedication there can be no such things as superiority and inferiority. When I am all oneness with the universal and transcendental Will of my Beloved Supreme, happiness will reign supreme in my heart of aspiration and in my life of dedication.

O superiority, O inferiority, far have you to go. Again, at the end of your journey’s goal, you will see that you have not gone anywhere, for you have nowhere to go. If I start with equality, there shall come a time when reality, God’s Oneness-Reality, will come and lead me, guide me and take me to my destined goal. It is from equality that I will enter into God’s Oneness-Reality, and in God’s Oneness-Reality I will have constant peace, constant satisfaction and constant love for the poor earth and for the rich Heaven.