An experience of the author at the age of fourteen

Whenever I had the opportunity, I flew to the edge of the ever-blue sea and took my seat there in solitude. My bird of consciousness, dancing slowly, rose to the sky and lost itself up there.

On that occasion — it was a full-moon night — as I gazed and gazed upon the blue-white horizon, I found only light, a sea of sweet and serene light. All was engulfed, as it were, in an infinite Ocean of light which played lovingly on the sweet ripples.

My finite consciousness was in quest of the Infinite and Immortal. I drank deeply of Ambrosia and was floating on an illumined ocean. It seemed that I no longer existed on this earth.

All of a sudden — I do not know why or how — something put an end to my sweet dream. No longer did the air emit its honey-like immortal Bliss, for my own depressed thoughts had come to the fore: "Useless, everything is useless. There is no hope of creating a divine world here on earth. It is only a childish dream." I felt, too, that I could not go on even with my own life. This seemed to be nothing but a thorny desert strewn with endless difficulties.

"Why should I suffer these unbearable pains and sorrows here? I am the son of the Infinite. I must have freedom, I must have the ecstasy of Paradise. This ecstasy resides ever within me. Why then should I not leave this mortal world for my Eternal Abode in heaven?"

A sudden flash of lightning appeared over my head. Looking up with awe and bewilderment, I found above me my Beloved, the King of the Universe, looking at me. His radiant Face was overcast with sorrow.

"Father," I asked, approaching Him, "What makes Thy Face so sad?"

"How can I be happy, my son, if you do not wish to be my companion and help me in my Mission? I have, concealed in the world, millions of sweet plans which I shall unravel. If my children do not help Me in My play, how can I have my Divine Manifestation here on earth?"

Profoundly moved, I bowed and promised: "Father, I will be Thy faithful companion, loving and sincere, throughout Eternity. Shape me and make me worthy of my part in Thy cosmic Play and Thy Divine Mission."

Sri Chinmoy, AUM — Vol. 1, No. 6, 27 January 1966, Boro Park Printers -- Brooklyn, N. Y, 1966