Mind-confusion, heart-illumination
There was a great spiritual Master who had abundant spiritual power, occult power. He had hundreds of disciples and out of these hundreds there were a few who were intimate. Unfortunately, one of his most intimate disciples became a victim to doubt. Although this particular disciple had tremendous inner aspiration, deep love for the Master and genuine dedication to his cause, she had some doubt about the Master and about her own spiritual life. Her mind, like everybody’s mind, played a miserable and painful trick on her. She had been used to getting boundless joy, inspiration and aspiration from her meditation and from talking to the Master about her spiritual life. But whenever she came back home it was all suffering, because the members of the family were against the spiritual life. The friends and neighbours were also unsympathetic. At the Master’s ashram she was all joy, but at home, she was made miserable by confusion and sorrow.This went on for months and months. The months ran into years, but this deplorable situation showed no sign of coming to an end. In spite of her best aspiration and dedication to the Master’s spiritual mission and her purest love for the Master, her mind was tormenting her. The heart was all dedication, but the mind at times became a tornado of confusion.
The Master felt extremely sorry for her, but he was helpless. He had asked her repeatedly not to pay any attention to the mind, but to live always in the heart. She tried her best and, whenever she lived in the heart, it was all joy, satisfaction and fulfilment. But whenever she forgot and lived in the mind, in the physical mind, it was all doubt, confusion and frustration. The Master tried to help her, but he was not successful.
The Master now went a step higher. He had a talk with God about this particular disciple. He asked God how he could be of some help to her. God said to the Master, “Tonight I shall offer you a dream. In that dream you will be able to get some indication, so that in the future you can solve her problem.”
The Master did have a dream that night and in that dream he saw a beautiful mango, a most delicious mango, placed in front of him by God Himself. On one side of the mango was the Master and on the other side was the mind of the particular disciple. The mango was the disciple herself. The mind was separated by God from the physical consciousness of this particular disciple. Now the Master saw that there was a constant tug-of-war going on between herself and the mind of the particular disciple. The mind of the disciple wanted to grab her, the mango; and the Master wanted to have her for divine use. At times the mango-consciousness (the disciple), which was conscious, would take the side of the mind, its mind; and at times the mango would take the side of the Master. This way there was no settlement, no final settlement. It went on for hours and hours.
All of a sudden the Master felt extremely sorry for the mango, for the disciple. He said, "Both of us are trying to possess this mango. The mind is trying to grab it mercilessly and I am trying to take it for a divine purpose; but, even then, there is no end to our battle. While we are fighting for this mango, it is being damaged. Now, since I have true love and concern for this disciple, let me leave the fight. Let her mind possess her. In that case she will not be torn between us. She will have some relief.” So the Master surrendered. He left the fight, not out of disgust, but out of compassion. The mind was extremely happy and delighted that it had gotten the mango, its own mango, forever, so it seemed. This was the Master’s thought but it did not work out in that way.
What happened? When the mind became the full possessor of the physical consciousness of the particular disciple, it began to torture her.
The mind said, “Look, it is for you that I had to fight so hard. A terrible fight I had and you were the apple of discord. So now that you have become totally my possession, I want you to be totally my slave. For you I fought. Now that I have got you, you deserve punishment. I want to torture you ever more.”
The poor disciple. Now her condition was most pitiful; her condition was most deplorable. It went on for a few months. At last she came back to the Master crying. She said, “O Master, I did not know that you were so unkind to me. You left me, you became indifferent to me, you left the fight. Now look what has happened. My unruly, undivine, obscure, ignorant mind has possessed me totally. I have lost everything, I have no faith in myself, I have no faith in you, I have no faith in the spiritual life. Master, save me, save me, protect me, illumine me.”
The Master said, “What can I do? When your mind and I were fighting against each other for you, you sometimes used to cherish your mind’s doubt, fears, anxieties and worries. You did not accept me wholeheartedly. If you had accepted me wholeheartedly, I would have got you for my divine use. Quite a few times you took the side of your mind. Now here is the result.”
“O no, Master, forgive me, it was my ignorance. Now I want to be yours, for your divine purpose, for God, for God’s use and for your mission.”
The Master said, “All right, if you listen to me, I will be able to solve your problem.”
She said, “Anything you ask me, Master, I will do it.”
The Master said, “All right. When your mind says that your Master is wrong, your spiritual aspiration is wrong and everything that you do is wrong, immediately you have to tell your mind, ‘Granted, you are sixty percent correct and the spiritual life, my own inner life and my Master are only forty percent correct. Nevertheless I am not going to accept you as my Lord, as my saviour.’ Then, when it comes to a stage where the mind is convincing you ninety-nine percent with all its cleverness and all its tricks that you are doing the wrong thing in your inner life, that your faith in the spiritual life, in your Master’s realisation is all wrong, you tell the mind, ‘I do not want you. I do not need you, even if you are ninety-nine percent correct and we are only one percent correct.’ Then, if the time comes when the mind tells you that it is one hundred percent correct, it convinces you that you are all wrong, then you have to tell your mind, ‘Mind, you stay with your wisdom, with your ignorant wisdom. Even if you are correct I do not need you, I do not want you. I want peace, I want joy, I want light, I want delight. They are all inside my heart. Even if you convince me, I am not going to accept you. You stay with your own conviction; let me stay with my heart’s spontaneous joy, delight and love for my spiritual life, for my inner life and for my Master's mission.’ If you can do this then your life’s problem is totally solved.”
The disciple touched the feet of the Master and said gratefully, “Master, from now on, no doubt, no fear, no anxiety, no suspicion, no jealousy, nothing. But all joy, all confidence, all peace, all love, all devotion, all surrender I will have. You are mine. You are my life’s only Haven and Heaven.”
The Master blessed his dearest disciple and said: "At long last, my child, we have won the divine race.”
