I am in preparation1

I am in preparation. I am in preparation for a new dawn, a new morning and a new day. I shall consciously and forcefully bury my past experiences — experiences of failure, experiences of frustration, experiences of unworthiness. I shall bury them. I shall obliterate from my memory-tablet all the uncomely experiences, the unillumining experiences, that I have had so far in my life. I am in preparation for an ever-new life.

I know why I have failed, why I have disappointed my Beloved Supreme. I have failed because I have neglected my second-life, I have wasted my minute-life, I have ignored my hour-life. From now on, in each second-life of mine I shall see a reality-existence of ten years. In each minute-life of mine I shall see a reality-existence of forty years, and in each hour-life I shall see a reality-existence of a hundred years, countless years. Each time I do not properly use my second-life, minute-life and hour-life, I shall make myself feel that I am far, farther, farthest from my destined Goal. And each time I properly utilise my second-life, minute-life and hour-life, I shall undoubtedly make myself feel that my hour of God-realisation is fast approaching. I shall not have to force myself to feel this; it will be something spontaneous and automatic. I shall no longer ply my boat between hope-evening and frustration-night. I shall ply my boat only between promise-light and satisfaction-delight.

Because of my bondage-life, because of my desire-life, because of my finite life, I have failed my Beloved Supreme, I have failed my reality-existence. And I shall continue to fail my Beloved Supreme and my reality-existence if I go on loving the finite in myself. But if I start loving only the Infinite in myself, then I shall not be compelled to see the face of frustration, the face of failure. I shall only fly in the sky with my Eternity’s beloved friend, my soul-bird. I shall remain inside the Golden Boat of my Eternity’s Pilot Supreme, sailing, sailing towards an unhorizoned Divinity-Land and Immortality-Shore.

My new life will be a life of life-transcending and God-inviting Smile. My old life gave me what it had: fear of God, fear of desire, fear in desire. My new life gives me the message of love of God and the fulfilment of God in God’s own Way. I am preparing for God, to become His supremely chosen instrument, Him to love, Him to please, Him to fulfil always and always, in His own Way.

  1. 16 July 1977, 12:20 p.m. — John F Kennedy High School, Bronx, New York

Sri Chinmoy, Everest-Aspiration, part 2.First published by Agni Press in 1977.

This is the 353rd book that Sri Chinmoy has written since he came to the West, in 1964.


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by Sri Chinmoy
From the book Everest-Aspiration, part 2, made available to share under a Creative Commons license

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