What am I doing?

What am I doing? Am I loving God the man? No. Am I serving man the God? No.

What am I doing? Am I crying for a better world? No. Am I thinking of transforming my outer life? No. Am I contemplating fulfilling my inner life? No.

What am I doing? Am I desiring a world-destruction? No. Am I desiring to start a new life, so I can play once more like a child — carefree, with no mind, no thought, no doubt, no suspicion, no fear, no anxiety? Those golden days of my childhood am I longing for? No, no.

What am I doing? Am I showing my excessive attachment for Heavenly bliss, for the cosmic gods and goddesses? No, no. Am I showing a bitter, disgusted repulsion for the world, for this uncomely, unaspiring world? No, no.

What am I doing, then? I am just sailing my hope-boat towards a shore. Perhaps it is an uncertainty-shore and perhaps it is a dream-blossomed shore; but I do not know and I do not want to know, either. If I know that it is an uncertainty-shore, then I shall be doomed to destruction-frustration, and if I know that it is a dream-blossomed shore, then shameless complacency-relaxation will percolate through my entire being and dominate my earthly existence. Therefore, I leave my fate entirely at the Feet of my fate-maker, my Beloved Supreme.

EA 86. 20 July 1977, 8:10 a.m. — Jamaica High School Track, Jamaica, New York.