Question: Guru, the very beautiful spiritual qualities that we've talked about and that we've read about for so long I do not really feel. What's wrong with me?Sri Chinmoy: I have repeatedly said that if you live in the mind, no matter how many times you have seen Light or felt Truth, you will doubt and negate your experience. Since you have come to our path, I assure you, you have seen Light at least seventeen times. When you see it, the vision lasts for five minutes or ten minutes or fifteen minutes. Then, on your way home you start arguing with yourself whether or not you have seen Light. Your mind starts fighting with your own achievement. But when you are meditating here, you do see Light and feel Light. I can say this on the strength of my own oneness with you. If you say I am wrong, I will say that you are wrong, because nobody on earth can deceive me. I can enter into you quicker than you can enter into yourself. I know that at least seventeen times you have seen Light and felt Truth. Unfortunately, when these experiences enter into your mind, your mind constantly argues and finds fault with your own achievements. It gets joy in suspecting your achievements.
Even those who have come into our spiritual path ten or fifteen days ago have seen Light and felt Truth inside their existence. Whoever has come to this Centre, whoever is connected with us, has already been blessed by the Supreme with His Light. Nobody has come or can come or will come to the Centre even once and not be blessed with this Light. Even an aspirant who has meditated at this Centre for the first time has already been blessed by the Supreme. It is the Blessing of the Supreme that has brought that aspirant here in the first place.
When some people see Light or feel Truth, owing to their ignorance they feel right from the beginning that they are seeing something wrong or something that is not genuine. Other people accept the experience of Light for a short while and do not doubt at all while they are experiencing it. Their doubt starts later, but when it starts it negates the experience for them. You belong to that category. When you see Light, at that time you do feel that it is Light you are seeing. When you feel the Truth, at that time you do believe it. But later, the hound of doubt devours your achievement and realisation. This is the favour your doubting mind is doing for you.