Question: How can you stop yourself from worrying about whether you are having a good meditation or not?Sri Chinmoy: You have to feel that there is nothing to show, and at the same time you have to feel that you cannot fool the person whom you want to show. Sometimes in the ordinary life we show off and feel that the person who is observing us does not actually know that we are deceiving him. But in the spiritual life, you have to feel that when you are meditating in front of your Guru there is nothing for you to show. You have only to be.
If you want to show that you are doing a wonderful meditation so that I will be very pleased, at that moment your own sincerity will go away. You should feel, "I want to be sincerity; I want to be purity; I want to be luminosity; I want to be divinity." If you mainly want to show that this is what you are, sincerity goes out of you. And the more it goes out of you, the sooner you will be exposed. Occasionally, when you are trying to show what you are, you may actually achieve those qualities, but very often false things will come forward.
As soon as I want to show something to others — for instance, that I can put the shot fourteen metres — then my worries have started. If I keep in mind that I have to throw it fourteen metres, or if I feel that I have to come in first or second or third, then my worries have started. I should instead regard the action as something I am becoming, not as something I am showing. I have thrown; that is my action. And in that action I have become whatever I have done. This is my capacity; this is my achievement; this is my reality; this is what I can do. So also, at the time of meditation, the point is not to show anything outwardly or inwardly, but to become everything. If I want purity, if I want humility, if I want sincerity, if I want divinity, then let me become these things. When I am becoming, then I am fulfilled. I will not be fulfilled in any way by showing what I am.