Confession is not realisation

There was a certain spiritual Master who had a very unfortunate experience when he became very old. He was seventy-eight years old, and he had only fifty or sixty disciples, but some of his disciples were very, very rich; so financially he was quite all right. The Master had five or six attendants at the time, but one attendant, his personal secretary, was very possessive. She was jealous of other close disciples.

One day she said to the Master, “I have served you for so many years. Either you have to give me all your material wealth when you die, or you have to get rid of all these close disciples of yours.”

The spiritual Master said, “Impossible! I cannot give you all the material wealth I leave behind, and also I cannot ask my other disciples to leave me.”

Late that night, while the Master was sleeping, this close disciple took a knife and stabbed the Master on his forehead. When the Master was discovered the next morning he was taken to the hospital and there he died after a few days.

This close disciple told everyone that the Master had been restless that night because he was not feeling well, so he probably fell out of his bed at night and broke his forehead. The hospital authorities didn’t believe this, but some nurses were bribed and they gave that kind of report. The secretary escaped from punishment and soon gave up the Indian way of spiritual life.

She entered into the Christian church again and after a few years established a small church of her own in Washington, DC This church had over a thousand members. They were all her admirers and, of course, they did not know anything about her past. She always acted very spiritual and gave most inspiring talks. Her congregation was very happy with her and very proud of her.

One night in a dream her old Master came to her and told her about another Master, who was quite young. “Only if this Master blesses you will you be forgiven for what you have done to me,” her Master told her. “Get in touch with this Master and invite him to your church. Let him bless you, and let him bless your followers. If he blesses you, then you will be forgiven by the Supreme in me.”

She immediately wanted to get in touch with this young spiritual Master, so she contacted a few of her friends in New York who also used to be disciples of her old Master. These disciples had also had similar experiences. Their Master had come to them and said, “Whatever I could do for you, I did. Now you take help from this Master. I am extremely fond of him and proud of him. He is very young but very great. You should take his help.” Most of them went to him, so they were able to tell their former sister-disciple how to get in touch with him.

So the lady contacted the young Master and invited him to visit her church in Washington. The Master was very poor, but two of his disciples gave him money to go to Washington, D.C. to meet with this self-styled minister. When the young Master arrived, the minister herself came to the railway station to receive him, all by herself.

“Usually I have many followers wherever I go,” she said, “but I wanted to give you special attention. I wanted to have you all to myself, so I came here alone. Please come to my house. I have a delicious meal ready for you.”

When the Master came to her house, she said, “I am sure my friends have told you about me. I am sure they have told you that my church has many, many members. Originally I wanted you to give me and all the members of my church spiritual instruction, but now something within me is telling me that if they see you, they will all leave me. As soon as I saw you at the station I got this feeling, and it is increasing and increasing. So this evening, I wish you to come with me and do me a favour.”

“What kind of favour?”

“I want you to come to my church in the evening when nobody will be there. During the day we have some people working there doing selfless service. But in the evening nobody will be there. I will be very grateful if you will see the place.”

The young Master agreed and that evening he went with the minister to her church. She pleaded with the Master to sit in her special chair in the church, and when he sat down she knelt before him and said, “Please bless me.”

“Why do you want me to bless you?” he asked.

“I will tell you afterwards.”

“You have so many disciples,” said the Master. “You don’t need my blessing.”

“Yes, yes! I need your blessing!” she said. “Please bless me.”

So the Master blessed her and the minister started weeping pathetically. “I am forgiven, I am forgiven!” she sobbed. “I don’t see you as a young man. I am seeing you as my Master, my previous Master who was almost eighty years old when he died. You are not even half his age, but I am seeing him in you. His whole face is in your face. I am seeing him only, and not you. My Master came to me in a dream a few months ago and told me that the day you bless me, I will be forgiven by him.

“Today I am forgiven by him, but now you have to forgive me for something. You have to forgive me for my insecurity. I know that if my followers see you, they will be extremely moved and most of them, if not all, will leave me and follow your path. I would lose all of my disciples. That’s why I don’t want them to come and see you. If I had been really spiritual then I would have given them all to you, knowing who you are and the difference between you and me. But I can’t do it. Call it my insecurity or call it my meanness, but I don’t want to lose all my followers. I will teach them about spirituality and about peace, light and bliss in my own way. But you know how weak I am, how insecure I am. My weakness, my insecurity, will not allow me to bring my disciples to you. So you have to forgive me.”

The Master said, “I forgive you, not because you are weak but because you are sincere. Your sincerity is their safeguard. One day you will be able to guide them, if not to me, then to another real spiritual Master who will be able to take care of your children. You are not the right person to take care of so many children.”

Immediately she cried out, “I know, I know! But I am waiting for that day when God will give me the strength to be sincere.”

The Master said, “You are already sincere, but you are not brave enough to face the reality. You see the light, but you don’t receive the light. You are afraid that the light will take you away and use you for its own purpose. But light does not use anybody for its own purpose against his will. Light only illumines your inner darkness and transforms it into light. Then it uses this transformed darkness for a divine purpose, for the purpose that God intended.

“If you had given me the chance, I would have taken care of you and all your students. You are not the right person to guide them. You are not strong enough. Let us wait, however, for a better hour. When that hour comes, either they will come to me or they will go to another genuine spiritual Master. Only be brave. If you are not brave, you will stay with your sincerity, but this sincerity will not take you very far. Along with your sincerity you have to be really bold. When you see the truth, you have to enter into the truth, jump into the truth. Many people are sincere, but they make the same mistake repeatedly for years and years. When they have problems — emotional problems, vital problems — they tell their Master, but they don’t want to act like divine warriors to destroy their weaknesses, or they don’t have strength enough to invoke light.

“To invoke light, one needs at least a little power. When somebody is dead, one cannot do anything for him. There has to be at least a little life in order for the injection to have any effect. In the spiritual seeker’s case, life means a little bit of inner strength. Sincerity is of paramount importance, but along with sincerity one must have strength enough to complete the journey. Otherwise, repeatedly one will make the same mistake and be ready to confess it. But confession is not realisation. One has to be bold enough not to do the thing which binds him to the world of ignorance again and again.”