Part III — Anxiety and emotions
Question: Sometimes I think that I am not close to you, and I feel lost. What does it mean?Sri Chinmoy: It is one thing to sincerely cry for me, but another thing to say that all is totally lost without me. Why should you feel lost? God is everywhere. But one thing that I cannot convince my disciples of, and I suffer so much because of it, is that I love them infinitely more than they love themselves. They do not believe it, and it seems that they will never believe it. They think that they are constantly thinking of themselves and taking care of their lives, whereas I am talking to somebody else here and there, so how can I love them more than they love themselves?
As long as someone feels that he has more concern, care and love for himself then I have for him, then that person cannot become really close to me inwardly, because that person is not seeing me or feeling me in a divine way. If I ask you every day whether or not you had a good breakfast, that is not an expression of divine concern. The Supreme's way of loving you, the real way of loving you, is infinitely more significant than this. Your capacity to love yourself is like one dollar. Whereas my capacity to love you is like a million dollars. Naturally, if I want to use it, I can.
The sun is shining for everyone, but you have to open the window to let it come in. If you open the window, the sun can enter; if you don't open it, the sun has to stay outside. Similarly, Grace is for everyone if they will only allow it to come in. Occultly and spiritually I am not limited by the body: I am everywhere. I have many powerful inner beings, and if I am not consciously doing something for you, then they are doing the needful. On the physical plane my soul's duty is to convince your mind of what I am inwardly doing. Your mind does not want to listen to your soul, it does not want to surrender to your soul. But all souls surrender to me, no matter how bad the individual disciples are.
At two o'clock every morning, even though my physical body may be tired, I begin feeding your souls. In one minute I am able to feed many, many souls. This one minute is different from human time. In human time, in one minute I will not be able to feed even one person. Yesterday I was speaking to a disciple on the phone and feeding his soul. At the same time, I was feeding his wife's soul. Even though she was in school, her soul was feeling it. This is because she has tremendous connection with her husband's soul.
When I concentrate on the disciples' souls, most of the time they come to me. But the soul need not come to me; sometimes I go to them. But when I concentrate on the Centres, I bring all the souls together. I don't go there; they just come to me. This is done in a second; not even a second it may take. I do have the capacity to do this. Thousands and millions of times I have done it.