Question: Should we do selfless service if we cannot do it in a good consciousness, with surrender? Should we go ahead and do this service even though we can't do away with our negative feelings about it?Sri Chinmoy: If an individual finds it extremely difficult to do selfless service devotedly and soulfully all the time, then that individual should pray and meditate in order to develop soulful qualities. Suppose you cannot do selfless service soulfully. Each time you are asked to do it, inwardly you feel reluctance, but you do it because you want other people to feel that you are a very devoted seeker, or you don't want to be criticised. Outwardly you are trying to draw their admiration, but inwardly you are finding it difficult to work. While working, your inner bitterness and animosity toward the Master is coming out. If this happens every time, then the best thing is for you to think of your inner sincerity. It is better to develop some sincerity before doing selfless service. Try to develop a kind of oneness with the Master and the Master's path.
These negative feelings are like enemies that attack us. If they are outside us, then we can accept the challenge and fight and conquer them, even though it is a very difficult task. But if animosity and bitter feelings against the Master come from within, then it is better for the individual not to do selfless service.
This is not the case for disciples who usually do selfless service soulfully and devotedly, and who have been doing it this way for years. They are basically good disciples who feel the necessity of selfless service, but occasionally they are attacked by negative forces from the world of suspicion or jealousy. They quarrel with an individual, or jealousy, insecurity or some other undivine quality attacks them, and their consciousness falls. At that time, it is advisable for them to go and do selfless service. This is the only way for them to get rid of their problem. If an individual has done selfless service hundreds of times with real devotion and dedication, and then once or twice he is attacked by wrong forces, the best thing for him is to do selfless service. For others who are constantly rejecting the idea of selfless service, it is best to fight the inner enemies and conquer the wrong forces in their inner being first. Otherwise, there is every possibility that they will attack others who are doing selfless service. The disease is contagious; it takes a long time to conquer.