This morning I started weightlifting around 7:27. On my first attempt, which I always use as a warm-up, I got the weight up a little. So I was filled with confidence that I would achieve my goal. However, on my second attempt, the weight didn’t move at all and I became furious. I said to myself, “Today I have decided to lift up 400 pounds. Now who will dare to stand in my way at this time?”
On the third lift, I saw my whole family seated by the wall to my right. Some had already departed this world and some are alive, but I saw them so vividly! They were more real than actual human beings. My mother and my sister Lily were seated side by side. Above them were Ahana and Arpita. Then Hriday, Chitta and Mantu were above them. Finally, on the very top, was my father. All of them were in a very soulful and very intense consciousness.
As soon as I finished my third lift, they all smiled soulfully. But the brightest smile came from my eldest brother, Hriday. His whole face beamed with joy. He said, “Madal, you are our Lord Sri Aurobindo’s genuine pride.”
Then my sister Lily asked me to try again. “I am more than satisfied,” I told her. “No, try again!” she begged. So, at my sister’s request, I did try again.
My whole family remained seated in the same position, and once again they were watching me seriously, soulfully and intensely. The most poise I saw in my mother. Being a mother, she could have been full of panic, worry and anxiety, but she was only intense and serious.
Then I lifted the 400 pounds again, and this lift was even better. I was so happy and my family were all so excited. Their happiness far, far surpassed my own. My happiness was nothing in comparison to theirs.
My father came to me and put his palms on my head to bless me. “I wanted this for you,” he said.
Then my mother came to bless me. I had to bend down because she is so short, whereas my father is tall. On the video you can see how I was bending so that she could bless me. How affectionately she was blessing me, with tears of joy in her eyes. She was pouring her love and affection into me.
Then my eldest brother Hriday came and pressed my shoulders with his hands.
Next, my brother Chitta approached me very happily and proudly. He said, “Bravo! Bravo!”
Then my eldest sister, Arpita, came and said, “Useless, useless, useless!”
“What is useless?” I asked her.
She replied, “I cannot pray to God for your weightlifting. I can only pray to God for you to have a few good disciples. Your weightlifting will give me joy only if you can have a few good disciples.”
Then came my sister Ahana, whom we used to call Mary. She came and told me, “Earth does not know who you are and perhaps will never know who you are. But we in Heaven know who you eternally are.”
My sister Lily was next. First she looked into my left eye, then into my right eye, then into my left eye and finally again into my right eye. Then she placed her hand on her own heart and offered her gratitude to God.
Then the last one to come was my brother Mantu. “Enough,” he said. “Enough in this life.”
After the conversation, when the heavenly scene was over, I offered my gratitude to my Lord Supreme and to my Mother Kali. Then I hurried to the phone to give Ranjana the happiest news. Ranjana came to my house and from there she called Unmilan to come also. I invited a few others, and we all watched the video together.
So this is the way to have life-confidence. You have to say, “Tomorrow, I will be an unconditionally surrendered disciple.” As I said, “I am doing it; I have done it,” so you have to say, “I shall do it; I have done it.” Now that I have played my role, you have to play your role with utmost determined inner confidence and inner certitude.
— 21 September 1986