Visiting Ramana Maharshi's Ashram

I had very little connection outwardly with Ramana Maharshi, but twice I went to his place. The first time I went to see Ramana Maharshi, I was absolutely clean-shaven and I was wearing a lungi. I wanted to renounce the world. I was looking at Ramana Maharshi’s statue. It was so beautiful. On my left side I saw vividly the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, with tears! That was too much for me, so I came back to the Ashram.

The second time I was working for Nolini. Next to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo at the Ashram was Nolini. I had to be at his place by nine o’clock and again at two o’clock and he depended on me. I very nicely told my family members that I had received permission from the Mother to go to Ramana Maharshi’s place. What a wonderful story! Nolini did not believe it. Nobody believed me. I went to Ramana Maharshi’s place and then I came back. The following morning, my heart started palpitating. About forty selected people were supposed to go and visit the Mother at that time. Nolini did not say even a word. I was typing. Then Nolini came to me and said, “Mother is waiting for you.” Nobody else was there! I had to face the Mother. What a story I had told! I was at that time twenty-seven or twenty-eight years old.

I was standing two steps away from the Mother. She said, “So, I gave you permission?” She gave me an affectionate slap. Then she made a circle. She said, “You will not be able to go out of this boundary.” She wanted me to stay in Pondicherry only. It was three or four years later that I came out of the boundary, but she stood against it. She said she would not allow me to go to America. But inside me God said, “Go, go, go.” Nolini was simply furious! Inwardly, Amrita, the Manager of the Ashram, was for me. Outwardly he said, “Do not go,” but inwardly he said, “Go, go, go.” When there is eagerness, when the desire is so strong, that desire has the sanction from within.

On my last day in India, the Mother would not look at my face. One day before my departure, I was able to see her.

The third time I went to Ramana Maharshi’s place, they really liked me and they honoured me. Mantu also went there.

I will never forget the sweet slap that I received from the Mother for telling a story in her name.