HelplessnessWhat is the thing that I like most about myself today? My utter helplessness. I never knew that genuine helplessness could be so pure, so soulful, so useful and so fruitful. Up until now, I thought that the entire world was at my behest. I thought that everything I could have for the asking, that everything was within my easy reach. Like Napoleon, I thought that impossibility was not born in my life. Like Julius Caesar, I thought I could utter: "I came, I saw, I conquered." But alas, now I see that my feeling about myself was utterly wrong.
When I studied world history, I identified myself with all the supreme heroes of the world, and my complete imagination-identification made me feel that I was one of them. I felt that I belonged to the galaxy of contemporary great souls. This is how my imagination, which is nothing other than mental hallucination, ran riot. But now, alas, I see that helplessness is my name, inner and outer.
What do I learn from my helplessness? I learn a most significant lesson: surrender to a higher Power-the Power that acts in and through me and in and through all, the Power that does and the Power that eternally is. I wanted to get satisfaction by lording it over the world, by becoming something. But now I see that abiding satisfaction can be achieved only by constant, conscious and cheerful surrender to God's Will.
I also realise that I must sincerely and genuinely accept the world and not expect anything from the world, for expectation is nothing other than frustration and frustration is synonymous with destruction. No expectation, no frustration and no destruction. Willingness, constant willingness to serve God the Creator and God the creation unconditionally must be my new name. If I can serve God the creation and love God the Creator soulfully, sleeplessly and unconditionally, only then can I have satisfaction and peace infinite. Pride must be banished from my mind-territory and humility must surcharge my heart. Inside this humility I must sleeplessly feel my utter helplessness, which is nothing other than my conscious awareness of my Inner Pilot Supreme. Him to serve in His own Way I came into this world: this is what I must remember at every moment, for this is the key to my life's perfection and my heart's constant satisfaction.
Arie Crown Theatre
20 July 1989