Question: Is it possible for your disciples now or in the future to offer you the same kind of love and affection that you got from your own family members?Sri Chinmoy: Alas, no. That will not be possible. My disciples write to me, “I love you only.” Everybody writes, “I love you only.” If you love me only, then even for a fleeting second you will not have jealousy, insecurity or impurity. If anybody sincerely says to me, “I love you only, I love you only,” then the rest of the world will not be able to bite that person, because his whole concentration is on me. If I love you only, then I am looking at you only. At that time, how can I see if someone else is looking at me? If I love you only, I look only at you. Somebody else will see that I love you only, and he will not be able to attract my attention.
Let us say that, in a school, a girl makes a complaint to the teacher. She tells the teacher, “This fellow is not my boyfriend, but he is all the time looking at me, looking at me.” Then the teacher says, “How do you know he is looking at you if you are not looking at him? I am the teacher. I am teaching. You are supposed to look at me. You have to pay all attention to me. If you are looking at me, then how can you see if somebody is looking at you?”
In a spiritual community, one man got disgusted with the behaviour of some of the members. He complained to the Master. The Master said, “If you are looking at me, then look at me; do not look around me.” The Master made it very clear: “If I am your Guru, then look at me. If you look around me, it is all imperfection. Did you come here to look at me, or to look around me?”
When you join the spiritual life, you do not come for others. You submit seekers’ photographs to me. You do not give them to the other disciples to judge whether those seekers are good or bad. No! You yourself have not come to the path because of someone else. You have come to the path because you feel that this Master belongs to you and you belong to this Master. Always you have to feel that one-pointed oneness. Like a magnet it pulls. But alas, where is that one-pointed oneness? When the disciples write to me, “I love you only,” do they mean it? The next moment they may try to see whether somebody else is looking at me, or somebody else is getting attention from me. So often there is expectation, expectation.
Coming back to your question, my brothers and sisters never, never expected anything from me. Never, absolutely never! What did they ask of me? They would say, “Go to sleep, because you need sleep.” Only that kind of thing they asked. Any kind of material wealth or inner, spiritual wealth they never, never claimed. Here, the disciples have expectation and demand. My sisters, my brothers, my whole family never expected anything from me — never, never — either for their own good or for my good. Only because they were older than me, they would scold me; but in a serious way they never expected anything from me. They only hoped that I would become an important figure. But in the case of my disciples, the story is different. With sweetness they say, “I love you only.” The next moment they may say, “Since I love you only, why are you not doing me this favour, why are you not doing me that favour?” This is what happens when some disciples say, “I love you only.”
Some disciples make me so sad, because they do not tell me about their difficulties with their inner life, their personal life or their health. When they have physical problems, their case may become very serious. Perhaps the doctor will say that they have cancer. Then they try to hide it from me, because they are afraid that I may tell others. By the time I come to know that they have a malignant condition, it may be too late for anything to be done.
Some people do not ask me for guidance. I really love them, but they come to me only when they are in trouble. Again, some rogues ask me for advice, but I can see that they have made their decision already. They ask me, “Shall I do this?” They say, “Whatever you say, I shall do,” but already they have decided. Then they curse themselves and say, “Why did I tell Guru? I was in trouble, and since I am a disciple, I was supposed to ask him what to do. Now I have asked him if I should do something, but I have already made my own decision.”
When people ask me for advice, they will be in difficulty if they have not established their oneness with me. First they may want to hide from me, because they imagine that I will be angry with them for something that they have done. Then they tell me, “Whatever you say, I will do it gladly,” but they have already formed an idea about what they will do. That pains me so badly, because the decision has already been made by them. Even if they did not make the decision, but I made the decision for them, at times they curse themselves for asking me. It is so difficult for me.
There will be some disciples who absolutely do not make any decision before asking me. I do have some disciples like that. Before they come to me for my advice, they do not go to one side or the other. Then they do what I advise them to do. Again, there are some who know that they have made a stupid decision. When I say something totally different, they throw themselves into my way as if their previous decision did not exist. Their own opinion they did form, but when I say something different, they throw their heart and soul into my way and discard the way they previously chose. This is the second-best category. They made a mistake, but not even for a fleeting second is their idea colliding with my suggestion, my advice. They just give up their decision and immediately throw themselves into my way, which becomes for them the only way. In the beginning they formed an idea, but then they accept my way — not out of fear, but out of sheer love. These disciples do not say, “Now if I do not do what Guru says, he will be angry.” Out of sheer love, immediately they accept my way and become part and parcel of my way. This is how the second class becomes first class.
There are some disciples who say from the beginning, “Whatever you want, I will do,” and they really mean it. They have not formed any preconceived idea. Sometimes I get that kind of disciple. Are they not the best?