Question: I have been trying to meditate for some months, but I have had two problems. One is restlessness and the other is depression.

Sri Chinmoy: Restlessness can be in the mind, in the vital, in the gross physical and to a certain extent in the heart. In your case, restlessness is present because the mind is not consciously becoming one with the soul's light. The soul is crying to offer light to the mind but the mind is rejecting it consciously and deliberately. The physical mind does not want to meditate to overcome restlessness. What you need is the illumined mind or the mind that has been consciously purified by the soul's light.

In your case, depression occurs for two reasons. The first is that when you have a good, sound meditation, the ordinary vital, the vital which cries for outer satisfaction and outer achievements, feels that it is going to starve and die. The calmness you receive in meditation is like poison to the restless vital. So it invites depression because it feels that its very existence is threatened. The second reason why you are depressed is that when the heart brings the message from the soul that you have promised to reach the ultimate Goal in this life or the next life, you allow yourself to feel that the Goal is very far from where you are now. In the far distant future you see all sunshine, but when you observe your present situation you feel that it is all darkness and foul, inclement weather. Since you can see no connecting link between the possibility of the golden future and the reality of the present, naturally depression starts.

The best thing you can do right now is to meditate regularly early in the morning without expecting anything from your meditation. If you offer a child your love, concern and affection, you do not expect anything from him. Try to feel that your meditation is like a child right now. Give what you have-love and conscious concern -to this child and don't expect anything in return. Then at the right time, when the child grows up, the wealth of meditation will flow to the fore like a gushing spring.