Sri Chinmoy: Did I say that we do not value the Supreme’s Newness or Oneness or Fulness? I said that those qualities do not satisfy me. I do not get the utmost joy from the Supreme’s Newness, Oneness or Fulness. I feel that I have done millions and billions and trillions of things wrong in this lifetime. So if I see that the Supreme has forgiven me, then I get tremendous joy. I can easily be in front of the Master, looking at his eyes, but I may say, “Your newness I do not feel. Your oneness lasts only for one second, when you look at me. Then you look at Paree, then you look at somebody else and everybody else, so what kind of oneness is it?”
But if an individual comes to God and gets forgiveness, at that time the relationship between God and the individual is direct. Do you understand? I have done something wrong, so I need forgiveness from Him. I feel that when He forgives me, I get the greatest joy, because now I am totally free from ignorance-night. That is the greatest joy and relief. Everything is emptied. Now I have again become a new vessel. When God forgives me, everything wrong in my system goes away. Then I am ready again to have a new start and become a choice instrument.
That new, intimate feeling comes when we feel that we are completely forgiven by the Supreme. Otherwise the mind comes again and again and says, “Yesterday I said something wrong, the day before yesterday I did something worse,” and that kind of thing. My oneness with God is there, but then all the things that I have done wrong over the years, or even five minutes ago, come forward and torture me. So the best thing is if I get the assurance that God has forgiven me, my immediate past or remote past, or even my future.