Part V

SCA 389-394. Questions answered on 26 May 1996.

Question: Guru, did you have many high experiences before God-realisation?

Sri Chinmoy: I had quite a few experiences before I became aware of my God-realisation. I have already written about a few of these experiences. One of my highest was the time I wanted to leave earth, and Mother Earth was asking me to stay here to work for manifestation. The experiences that I wrote about in my poems "The Absolute" and "Immortality" were also extremely high experiences.

I also had a high experience just three months after I entered the Sri Aurobindo Ashram. The young boys and girls in the Ashram had to do selfless service, and my job was to work in the paddy field. While I was working in the paddy field, I noticed that one of the mango trees was bending down. I just looked at the tree and everywhere in the tree — in all the fruits and leaves — I saw my Lord Krishna. Krishna was here, Krishna was there; everywhere I was seeing Lord Krishna! Before that, I was not thinking of Krishna at all; I was meditating on Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. But when I saw Lord Krishna everywhere, I was so thrilled. My dearest boyhood friend was right beside me. I was telling him, "Look, look, look at what I am seeing!" He had such love for me that he did not think of challenging me or saying that it was a mental hallucination. But he himself did not see anything. This experience I will never forget.

Another time, while I was meditating inside the Ashram meditation hall, my inner being was going up high, higher, highest. I was absolutely swimming in the sea of ecstasy. I said, "I can never go higher than this." I was so satisfied with that height. O God, then I saw that this height was only the starting point! In a fleeting second, I went even higher. Like this, it went on for about twenty minutes or half an hour. Each time I reached a new height, the human in me was so satisfied. The human in me said, "It is enough, enough, enough!" But I was still going up. Each time I reached a particular height, which more than satisfied the human in me, the divine in me gave me a push to go again higher. That particular experience I will also never forget!

I have told many times about how Mother Saraswati gave me all her wisdom and inner capacities. She came down and played for me and then broke her vina into pieces and emptied it into me. I was in my very, very highest consciousness at the time.

These inner experiences helped me considerably. Once you get this kind of high, solid experience, then you know you are safe and that one day you will realise absolutely the Highest. But when you fully realise your height and it becomes settled, many of these earlier experiences disappear. If you want to remember even the minor experiences, you can; but usually you discard them. If you get thousands of hundred-dollar bills, you will not start counting your dimes, nickels and pennies. After you get realisation, you feel that most of these experiences were so silly — like tiny drops. Even the highest experiences you get before God-realisation are like tiny drops! This is what happens.