Question: Good morning, Guru. Could you to shed some light on the male-female relationship? There seems to be a struggle going on, and I was wondering how we can work more together?Sri Chinmoy: Let us speak in terms of brothers and sisters. If we take man and woman in that way, we feel, from the spiritual point of view, more of an affectionate bond. When we think of a husband and wife, we feel this affectionate bond for a few months or a few years. Then all kinds of problems may start. But if we say that God created men and women as brothers and sisters, then we feel only constant affection for and oneness with members of the opposite sex. Man and woman are like two flowers on one stem.
From the highest point of view, God is neither masculine nor feminine. Again, if we want to separate God into His masculine and feminine aspects, then we have to give equal value to both. Neither men nor women should feel that they are superior or inferior to one another. If we feel that somebody is behind us, then we are sad that we have to drag that person. Again, if we feel that somebody is ahead of us, we become jealous and insecure. But if we see men and women on the same level, side by side, then there is no problem. One has a mango to offer and the other has a pear to offer. The brother shares his mango with his sister, and the sister shares her pear with her brother. Each one has something unique. What the brother has, the sister does not have. What the sister has, the brother does not have. But when they share, each gets what the other has.
If we sing the song of oneness, then there is no problem. But if we sing the song of division or separativity and feel that one is better or more important than the other, then we create countless problems for ourselves. With our mind perhaps we are thinking that one is more important, but with our heart we feel that they are of equal importance.
If the mother uses her mind, she will see that her little child has no strength, no money, nothing. But if she uses her heart, the child is everything to her. If she uses her mind, she will think, "O God, now he is so cute and sweet, but who knows how he will behave when he grows up? At that time, he will not even think of me, and I will not exist in his life." By thinking of the child in this way, the mother has already started separating the child from her existence, and so she loses all her joy. But if the mother says, "Oh no, he is my dearest and sweetest; he is my darling, and forever he will remain my darling," then she does not separate herself from the child. She is only pouring her love into him. And when he gives her a fleeting smile, inside that smile she sees her whole world. A child's fleeting smile is enough to conquer the mother's heart.
Similarly, the relationship between man and woman has to be based on mutual sweetness and mutual self-giving. Each one has to give to the other what he or she has and what he or she is. Then there is peace, joy and fulfilment. The man will feel that he is incomplete without the woman, and the woman will feel that she is incomplete without the man. It is like the beauty and the fragrance of a flower. If they compete with one another, then there will only be fighting. But if beauty says to fragrance, "It is only with you that I am complete," then there is all harmony. If beauty feels that it is coming from the inner existence of fragrance, and if fragrance feels that it is being manifested through the outer life of beauty, then they are fulfilling one another.