Part III — Depression, frustration and destruction
I will feel happy only when I see you happyIf you feel that you are not happy, I assure you that you can never make me happy. No disciple can ever make me happy, I tell you, if he or she is not happy inwardly. You may think that you are suffering, but you have to know that I am giving you all my compassion. If somebody cries because her husband is bad, or his wife is mean, then my compassion, my sympathy and my concern go out to that person. But if they do not throw away the suffering and unconsciously cherish this depression and suffering, will I be happy? No. I will identify myself with their suffering, with their hearts' pangs, and I shall suffer the pain that they are feeling. Perhaps I shall suffer much more. So when it is a matter of happiness, if the disciples are unhappy, then I will not be happy. If you are unhappy, at that time you cannot make me happy. Even an ordinary human father will not be happy when he sees that his daughter is unhappy. Being a spiritual Father, I will feel happy only when I see you happy, because that happiness you need, I need, everybody needs.
There is an exercise you can do every day to be happy if you have been suffering from depression. Every day write down a list of ten good thoughts. Then, while you are working, even while customers are coming and you are waiting on them, read it. Or after the customer goes away, read it. What is important is that you have to feel what you have written. If you say, "Guru is kind to me, Guru is kind to me," then also you have to feel it. After reading it two or three times you may feel, "Is he really kind to me? Until you feel that I am kind to you, until you are actually convinced, you are only memorising or repeating the words. If you feel, "Yesterday, Guru didn't smile at me; he smiled at my friend," then go on repeating, "Guru is kind to me, Guru is kind to me, Guru is kind to me." Then the thought will come that three months ago in the car Guru did smile at you. Until that particular incident flashes back, just keep on repeating, "Guru is kind to me, Guru is kind to me." When that incident actually comes to mind and you know that three months ago Guru was kind, then at that time you have completed the first thought.
Then take another thought: "I can eternally trust Guru, Guru will never disappoint me, Guru will never desert me." You can also write down how many things I can do. In this way select ten beautiful thoughts.
Suppose you feel that you are jealous of someone. You can write down that you are jealous of this person on your paper. Then immediately say that I will take your jealousy away. During the whole day you do not have to complete even ten thoughts. All day perhaps you will spend on one thought. Suppose you are repeating, "Guru is kind to me," but you are imagining only my anger or depression or what you call my indifference. If you are not successful with a particular thought, do not go on to another thought. Stay with that particular thought. Repeat, "He is kind to me, he is kind to me, he is kind to me." Then all of a sudden, some incident will flash across your mind. You will remember that six months ago I did something very kind to you, and you will feel this. Then, once you feel the thing, then you can stop and go on to the next thought.
By becoming happy everybody will be able to please me. When you know that if you don't smile at me, I will be unhappy, then to make me happy you have to be happy. If you are happy, I don't need anything. If you are happy it will make me really happy. So just be happy.