Question: How can those of us who are left behind feel that it is God's Compassion that is giving us life while you, who are the best at it, are happy to be leaving?Sri Chinmoy: Since I accepted you as my disciples, I have tried to give everything to you unreservedly, if not unconditionally. If you cannot believe that I have given you everything unconditionally, then try to believe that I have given unreservedly. And if you cannot believe that I have given unreservedly, then try to believe that I have given cheerfully. If you cannot believe I have given what I am supposed to give you cheerfully, then say that I have done it reluctantly! But if anyone does not believe that I have given, if anyone feels that I have given nothing, then what can I say? If any individual feels that I have not given him anything that will be the height of his insincerity. I have given, I have given.
Now the question arises, when grace is descending most powerfully, why to waste time? When the sun is so bright, will you enter into a dark room and hide? The grace is descending now. Sri Ramakrishna expressed it in his simple way. He said that the cow has milk, but the milk is not in the tail, not in the legs, not in the ears. The cow's milk is in the udder, where it is supposed to be. Here also, when a spiritual Master of my height enters into the earth arena, my very existence is compassion, my very existence is love. Every second I only breathe in and breathe out love, love and compassion.
I have achieved whatever I was supposed to achieve. But whatever I am supposed to give, unfortunately I am at times unable to give. I give a flower to an individual with the hope that the person will appreciate the beauty of the flower and smell the fragrance of the flower, and then he will try to see the beauty and feel the fragrance inside his own heart. But instead of that, in some cases, the moment I give love or affection or a smile, it is thrown away. Like a mischievous child, the person just throws it away. This is what is happening in some cases.
How much do you value me? That is the question. Again, you do not have to value me; the most important thing is how much you value your spiritual life. Your spiritual life and I are inseparable.
Now let us come to another subject: manifestation. The Supreme started with aspiration, then He added dedication, and then He added manifestation. First, when you started the spiritual life, the Supreme said, "Aspire, aspire!" Then the Supreme said that aspiration and dedication cannot be separated. Finally He said to bring forward manifestation.
During this trip, has manifestation given me joy? Alas, in many cases, "no" is the right answer. Why? Because at times among my disciples there are disputes, there is disharmony — not in the outer world, but in the inner world. At times it happens that each one wants to be the supreme leader.
For whatever you have done, I am grateful. But I wish to say that happiness may be something else, something else. Yes, we have achieved some significant things. These are historical facts. But the attitude is the most important thing. Can you say, "By doing this I made tremendous progress"? The most important thing is to serve lovingly, devotedly, unconditionally.
When I see internal disputes, they make me cry and cry. One person will say, "This is my domain," and another will say the same thing. Sometimes manifestation becomes a kind of wrestling match or tug-of-war between two parties. Then what shall I do? Have I come here to enjoy a tug-of-war? Yes, I enjoy the tug-of-war between the hostile forces and the divine forces, with the hope that the divine forces will win. But I do not enjoy the tug-of-war between people who are supposed to be all the time on the divine side. Where is oneness at that time, where is oneness?
Again I wish to say that aspiration, dedication and manifestation all have to go together. Whatever you have done, whatever I could do, we have done; but our joy and inspiration could have been far greater. Therefore, during this trip I have meditated in my own way. I say that I have realised God, yet even now I meditate much more than you people. Lord Krishna said that he did not have to pray and meditate, but for the sake of humanity he did it. In my case, I have spent hours in my room and in the car meditating. But here in our meeting room when we meditated, I did not get joy at those times when I saw that the intensity which some individuals had twenty or twenty-five years ago has gradually, gradually diminished. Again, it has also happened that outer circumstances have not encouraged me.
Try to bring back your inner joy. Surprise your own thoughts, your own actions, your daily life! Your surprise I will value infinitely more than if two politicians decide to tell the truth and that truth lasts for five minutes. The fact that they have decided to tell the truth is a great surprise, but I care far more for the progress that each individual makes.
The Supreme has told me that there will be surprises this year. There may be something world-shattering or world-illumining for the newspapers to tell the world. Again, since we are all spiritual people, if we do something totally new, different, encouraging and inspiring, that progress is nothing but a surprise. And that surprise is also our progress.
I do not know if I have answered your question or not. I am happy that this is my last incarnation, and you should be happy that you got a good Master who really loves you. You have to use your wisdom to take as much as you can from me so that in your next incarnation you come back with abundant inner wealth. Then, again, you can increase and increase and increase your inner wealth.