I was a student of prayer

I was a student of prayer, but I can’t say that I enjoyed my studies. When I was a student of prayer, anxiety and worry killed me. At times even fear and doubt killed me.

Then I became a student of meditation. When I was a student of meditation, at times I had confidence in my meditation, and at times I totally lacked confidence. Therefore, I did not succeed in a striking manner. Because meditation is all peace-expansion, light-expansion, love-expansion and oneness-expansion, I could have progressed fast, very fast. But I did not.

When I became a student of self-giving, I discovered immediately that my self-giving was growing into something infinitely more than I had ever dreamed of, something that I never would have had the capacity to acquire. What was it? A fruitful life of God-becoming vision-light and God-manifesting manifestation-delight.

I want to remain only a student of self-giving. The other two I do not want, I do not need separately. I do not need them as a separate existence in my self-giving. My self-giving includes meditation, prayer, everything. Therefore, what I need always is a self-giving cry and a self-giving smile.

EA 70. 18 July 1977, 7:20 p.m. — in transit to Connecticut Sri Chinmoy Centre.